Why not Houston?

Alright, I said I wasn't going to do it anymore, but I did. I read Bill Simmons' latest article on ESPN. This one covered the topic of Allen Iverson. If I would have quit reading three paragraphs from the end, I would have completely agreed with his article. (Of course the Clippers or the Celtics are the logical choice for The Answer to end up. Anywhere else would be absolutely absurd.)

Mr. Simmons holds basically Joe's stance on A.I., only much more articulate. I've heard a couple (*cough*) times from Joe that Iverson is amazing to watch live. I'd believe it, it seems like he's the hardest working player on the court. Always moving without the ball, always getting steals. (By the way, how does somebody who has led the league in steals in multiple seasons get labeled as a defensive liability?) He does cause problems off the court, but on the court he solves them. Why do they call him what they do? However, some teams in the midwest or Utah have logical concerns with bringing that kind of attitude into their regions. I don't believe he'll quit causing problems.

There is one place where he'd fit in with the new attitude. I'm talking about the new epicenter of hip-hop, the domain of Beyonce, Mike Jones, Chamillionare and Johnny the Jeweler and the other Johnny the Jeweler. That's right: Houston! Why not? Get rid of the 28 year old with the 58 year old back and bring in The Answer. A.I. can get his grills and his blings without the annoyance of airplanes and their stingy anti-drug rules. And guns are encouraged in Texas! He'll fit right in!

Seriously, I'd be excited to watch him play basketball in Houston. I'd try to be at the first game, sitting as close as I could. He can score, he can dish the rock. He can be the one who leads this team of role players. McGrady won't lead, he won't make others better. He isn't even that good himself. Alas, there are two reasons that Houston's answer won't be Allen Iverson. One: Jeff Van Gundy is a finicky, control obsessed downer of a head coach. He's got a decent player in Bonzi Wells sitting on the bench, while in Van Gundy's "doghouse." T-Mac hasn't had a problem with Van Gundy because he doesn't really care about winning. And Yao hasn't had a problem because Van Gundy can't speak Chinese. Iverson would probably just take the last spot on the bench from Wells and sit there for the rest of the year if he played for Van Gundy. Two, and most importantly, Houston athletic teams absolutely refuse to provide a product worth getting excited about. Mario Williams over Bush and Young? Let me go out and buy season tickets! (That's the topic of the next post.) Rudy Gay. Not too bad. Wait ... Shane Battier!?! That hasn't exactly lit up the box office. Don't see a lot of Steve Novak jerseys flying off the shelf.

If Allen Iverson is The Answer, the question is: Why not Houston?